Thursday, June 19, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
What's happening to me?
What a pain, it seems like every now and then your just sitting there and the thought that you're getting older and such comes to mind. It's a scary thought, when it comes to mind everything that you worry about comes to mind as well. You start to wish you were younger again, 13 perhaps? When you first started to realize that girls are one of the cooler things now. 9 maybe? the times when watching power rangers meant everything to you. 4? you take your first steps into school and make your first best friend.
This happens all the time, then you realize, it's not easy anymore. You can't just walk up to someone and just say "hey, lets be best friends". Today, it seems like THE most frightful experience. Just to even say hi to someone new. I never knew that I could be so socially unstable. I'm 20 years old and I'm still trying to find my bearings as a person. Sometimes, I just don't get it.
Other than that, for some reason I've been feeling more idle lately and lazy. It seems like i wake up every morning, just wanting to stay in bed. Just lay there, I don't understand why I do it. Somewhere along the way I may have lost my motivation. What happend to me? I feel like I've lost myself somewhere and for whatever reason, I don't feel like trying anymore. Which isn't like me, I don't believe in giving up and that there's no such thing as genius, just hard work. Prayers and effort have gotten me so far. Why isn't it pushing me anymore? How come i feel so dry? This state of mind sucks. I feel like I can't accomplish anything. So unfocused right now. It makes me so mad, cause how I feel now, is contradictory to everything I stand for. kajpfwieohspodijhfwoiehfdksjfwpeoif
Dying almost seems fitting now. OH no not because I'm sad or anything, it's because I'm just so idle. I laid in bed for like 5 hours today, I really can't stand how lazy I've been lately.
I dunno I have a final tomorrow, I need to study. I need to focus. It sucks, cause I think I let another A+ final grade slip by. I swear I'm smart, I just need to apply myself so much more.
This happens all the time, then you realize, it's not easy anymore. You can't just walk up to someone and just say "hey, lets be best friends". Today, it seems like THE most frightful experience. Just to even say hi to someone new. I never knew that I could be so socially unstable. I'm 20 years old and I'm still trying to find my bearings as a person. Sometimes, I just don't get it.
Other than that, for some reason I've been feeling more idle lately and lazy. It seems like i wake up every morning, just wanting to stay in bed. Just lay there, I don't understand why I do it. Somewhere along the way I may have lost my motivation. What happend to me? I feel like I've lost myself somewhere and for whatever reason, I don't feel like trying anymore. Which isn't like me, I don't believe in giving up and that there's no such thing as genius, just hard work. Prayers and effort have gotten me so far. Why isn't it pushing me anymore? How come i feel so dry? This state of mind sucks. I feel like I can't accomplish anything. So unfocused right now. It makes me so mad, cause how I feel now, is contradictory to everything I stand for. kajpfwieohspodijhfwoiehfdksjfwpeoif
Dying almost seems fitting now. OH no not because I'm sad or anything, it's because I'm just so idle. I laid in bed for like 5 hours today, I really can't stand how lazy I've been lately.
I dunno I have a final tomorrow, I need to study. I need to focus. It sucks, cause I think I let another A+ final grade slip by. I swear I'm smart, I just need to apply myself so much more.
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