So the tables have turned...
I'm in a position I haven't seen in awhile. I'm back to being the absolute slacker that I was back awhile back. I've been failing quiz after quiz and it sucks. It hasn't hit me yet, but it needs to hit me soon and hard. So hard that I bleed, that I submit, and I cry. It is there I should stay crying until forever says to stop.
That's how it should be.
That's where I should be.
So that I'm just laying there, staring up.
It's Lent, and what did Jesus do? He spent 40 days in the desert. It's hot, unforgiving, dry. No man can keep his sanity and even on top of that...the ever present evil was whispering into his ear the whole time. The situation almost felt hopeless but perseverance always endured.
I need to do better, WE need to do better. Yes the desert is hot, and yes it's dry. But it's only in the desert that the skies are clearest. Sometimes it feels like, you need to be broken down. To truly realize what you're looking for.
and that's what I need. I found my desert, I found my clear skies. I just need to move, persevere, and endure.
Oh...
I can do this...
I can do this..
BECAUSE I LIKE TO THINK I'M UNTOUCHABLE.
and I am...as long as God is the reason and center for all my endeavors.
Go get'em kid. raawwr!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Uncertainty...
Well now, I have a court date in 2 days. I'm nervous, I was caught speeding in the mean streets of Bloomfield. Instead of giving me a ticket he gave me two, the officer also suggested that it would be better to go to court. Great... I guess it's just a reminder that I need to be less reckless and of course, watch my speed. Err, but I still don't want to go to court. How lazy of me....
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Almost Robotic
"life can be shit, but that moment everything else is gone
and you smile
'cause it's all you can do
and you give in
until sleep claims you"
and you smile
'cause it's all you can do
and you give in
until sleep claims you"
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Curious...
As if I wasn't annoying already... I went around asking couples what they were doing for V-day and it actually turns out that 1 out of the 3 couples I asked, is actually doing something romantic and they don't even have something really big planned.
Either way, it seems like everyone, (except the ones who are feeling sorry for themselves) is just treating it like it's just another day. It's February 14th, definitely NOT Valentine's day. What makes Valentine's day so special that you need to spend it with someone? Why can't you do that any other day, say...February 19th? or March 17? Or November 15? (That last one's my birthday ;]... you all should spend it with me) I guess the point I'm trying to make, is that I hate how people who dread this holiday are the ones who anticipate it more than the people who actually enjoy it and don't plan til the day of or in some cases...this past Thursday. Like I can understand if you just broke up with someone, but on the real, feeling sorry for yourself just isn't going to help anyone. I'm sure we all know this, but some of us like to... flip the ignorance switch on. Why can't you forget the fact that it's Valentine's day at all. Just go out with your friends, you love them anyway so it's got to count for something.
For real, from a single 21 year old male, just to vent for a second. No one really cares how much you hate this holiday. 'Cause bottom line is... it's a holiday that was created with the best of intentions.
This actually reminds me of a blog I wrote back in high school. I'd copy and paste it here but I deleted that blog (xanga) like three years ago. Well anyway it was about something I like to refer as "social prefixes" and how we give them to certain people to show signs of their stature in the social hierarchy that you envision in your own head. Like some of them would include best-friend, fuck-buddy, boy-friend, girl-friend, etc. And rightfully so, we would assign them to the appropriate people. I still like to think about it like I did back then, I don't really like to categorize my friends like they sit in some file cabinet somewhere, all in alphabetical order. There are cases where the status needs to be known, like the case of the girl-friend, you really don't want anyone blowing on her and not know she's already been swept away by a greater gust of wind. Other than that though, I really think all my friends mean something to me, they're worth something, and there's always something to learn from everyone. So why categorize? The levels that most of us hold our friends to be don't even matter. Just because everyone is capable of teaching just as much as they're capable of learning.
This should really be called "Friend Appreciation Day"
(haha at first I thought it should be called "Friend Honorable Mention Day")
Either way, it seems like everyone, (except the ones who are feeling sorry for themselves) is just treating it like it's just another day. It's February 14th, definitely NOT Valentine's day. What makes Valentine's day so special that you need to spend it with someone? Why can't you do that any other day, say...February 19th? or March 17? Or November 15? (That last one's my birthday ;]... you all should spend it with me) I guess the point I'm trying to make, is that I hate how people who dread this holiday are the ones who anticipate it more than the people who actually enjoy it and don't plan til the day of or in some cases...this past Thursday. Like I can understand if you just broke up with someone, but on the real, feeling sorry for yourself just isn't going to help anyone. I'm sure we all know this, but some of us like to... flip the ignorance switch on. Why can't you forget the fact that it's Valentine's day at all. Just go out with your friends, you love them anyway so it's got to count for something.
For real, from a single 21 year old male, just to vent for a second. No one really cares how much you hate this holiday. 'Cause bottom line is... it's a holiday that was created with the best of intentions.
This actually reminds me of a blog I wrote back in high school. I'd copy and paste it here but I deleted that blog (xanga) like three years ago. Well anyway it was about something I like to refer as "social prefixes" and how we give them to certain people to show signs of their stature in the social hierarchy that you envision in your own head. Like some of them would include best-friend, fuck-buddy, boy-friend, girl-friend, etc. And rightfully so, we would assign them to the appropriate people. I still like to think about it like I did back then, I don't really like to categorize my friends like they sit in some file cabinet somewhere, all in alphabetical order. There are cases where the status needs to be known, like the case of the girl-friend, you really don't want anyone blowing on her and not know she's already been swept away by a greater gust of wind. Other than that though, I really think all my friends mean something to me, they're worth something, and there's always something to learn from everyone. So why categorize? The levels that most of us hold our friends to be don't even matter. Just because everyone is capable of teaching just as much as they're capable of learning.
This should really be called "Friend Appreciation Day"
(haha at first I thought it should be called "Friend Honorable Mention Day")
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wishing
Dear readers,
So monday again and as I wait for class I'm kind of wishing I had something to read. Not like a book per say but like something short. I guess...hah
Writings amazing, especially if it's done by one of your peers. I feel like the more that a person writes, the more they let you into their lives. I like that, I'm all about the "let's put myself out there without regard to social inhibition" kind of attitude or the even better "Lets be reckless and build up cities from the debris we left behind" so that everyone has a place to live. Every time someone writes (publicly) it's like an open invitation into the buffet you would like to call your innermost thought processes and just like any buffet, you're free to take as much as you please until your satisfied. I don't know how many time's I've wandered into another persons blog just to go through their entries all the way back to like 2006. It's kind of stalkerish, I know, but it's really my way of getting to know you. (because I have a tendency to make things awkward.)
Awkward as in...err....Like if I was to ("hypothetically") admit to feeling inspired by some of your blogs you'd probably think I was some kind of creepy kid. Cause that's how I feel sometimes...... (that's hypothetically ...of course)
It's kind of like any other thing really, someone told me a good way to get to know people was through basketball. Oddly enough through much encounters, you eventually get to know the persons style of playing, whether or not he'll drive left or right, or if he likes to be a ball hog or not. You know, that whole piece of the pie.
So with that said, I guess I'm just complaining because I've been through most of your blogs already (even if I don't follow you) haha... as well as some strangers. I think the thing that I enjoy most is, seeing everyones style of writing things. Like some of you love using big words, some of you like to write rather epic stories of your day, some of you like to write poems, others like to structure your blogs in some creative manner by using things like Bold or Italics to emphasize your thoughts and ideas, and some like to engage in something I call "mind vomit" just because it will keep bothering them throughout the day if they don't put it somewhere.
I feel you, I feel all of you whenever I read your blogs.
This is like...
some...
kinda...
mind stimulating
word gallery.
Where we all puts our 'works' on display and raw thought is our form of art.
Sometimes even in glass cases...
-Marvin
So monday again and as I wait for class I'm kind of wishing I had something to read. Not like a book per say but like something short. I guess...hah
Writings amazing, especially if it's done by one of your peers. I feel like the more that a person writes, the more they let you into their lives. I like that, I'm all about the "let's put myself out there without regard to social inhibition" kind of attitude or the even better "Lets be reckless and build up cities from the debris we left behind" so that everyone has a place to live. Every time someone writes (publicly) it's like an open invitation into the buffet you would like to call your innermost thought processes and just like any buffet, you're free to take as much as you please until your satisfied. I don't know how many time's I've wandered into another persons blog just to go through their entries all the way back to like 2006. It's kind of stalkerish, I know, but it's really my way of getting to know you. (because I have a tendency to make things awkward.)
Awkward as in...err....Like if I was to ("hypothetically") admit to feeling inspired by some of your blogs you'd probably think I was some kind of creepy kid. Cause that's how I feel sometimes...... (that's hypothetically ...of course)
It's kind of like any other thing really, someone told me a good way to get to know people was through basketball. Oddly enough through much encounters, you eventually get to know the persons style of playing, whether or not he'll drive left or right, or if he likes to be a ball hog or not. You know, that whole piece of the pie.
So with that said, I guess I'm just complaining because I've been through most of your blogs already (even if I don't follow you) haha... as well as some strangers. I think the thing that I enjoy most is, seeing everyones style of writing things. Like some of you love using big words, some of you like to write rather epic stories of your day, some of you like to write poems, others like to structure your blogs in some creative manner by using things like Bold or Italics to emphasize your thoughts and ideas, and some like to engage in something I call "mind vomit" just because it will keep bothering them throughout the day if they don't put it somewhere.
I feel you, I feel all of you whenever I read your blogs.
This is like...
some...
kinda...
mind stimulating
word gallery.
Where we all puts our 'works' on display and raw thought is our form of art.
Sometimes even in glass cases...
-Marvin
Friday, February 6, 2009
Waiting
Lab is about to begin, to think 5 hours of it would kill you.
To be honest, it's one of the only times I feel alive.
There's something out there, waiting to be found...
by none other than me.
To be honest, it's one of the only times I feel alive.
There's something out there, waiting to be found...
by none other than me.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Untitled
Dear Blank Sheet,
Sometimes it just gets to you, you're free and then all of a sudden massive chains wrap around your body and drag you helplessly in the dark abyss of it all. Here you'll probably awake hours later seeing nothing, hearing nothing, and eventually realizing that there is nothing. Nothing but a faint light directly above you and all you do is stare at it and try to concoct ingenious ways of attaining of reaching that light. It might just be your way out. Hmm... you'd rather not waste your time though, What if it's a fluke or a flaw in the design of this abyss? What if it's just a lightbulb? Then what would happen if you reached it? Would you take it out, replace it? Haha... you'd have to reach it first. Good thing there isn't any books around, you wouldn't find your answers in them anyway, now if I only had a paper and a pen...
Scratch that... uhm...
Have you ever tried to analyze curiosity? I feel like I can take your head off, cut a small hole, and stick your hand in there (There's no way i'd put my own hand on the line, that shit's gross). What would you find? Wouldn't you like to know? The idea of the idea of just knowing seems to tingle my own curiosity. I would like to know why I like to know things. Knowledge is endless and you'll never get to the end of this battle. So why bother? Why do we strive to know more? Things were simple and then as we discovered more, more things got complicated. Who knows what more knowledge could do to our society? Humans had to extend the reaches of their knowledge to bed, bath, and beyond. It'd probably be easier if we just stopped at bed and kept it there. We know that knowledge is limitless, but maybe at some point, we should put a limit. Just as a precaution as to not destroy ourselves.
And so... hold me tightly...
May 5th 2008, I read that thing again for about the millionth time I can't believe I still don't have a title for it. This was back when I used to enjoy writing and had hours of fun inventing new and witty points. Expanding my vocabulary and raping the thesaurus, in hopes it would give birth to me some new and exciting words, so that I can show them to all my non-existent readers (except myself cause I know I exsist) so they can feed my fat baby boy, coincidentally named Ego. Wait I didn't have any readers. It was nice feeding him myself haha. It was all for myself and for only one purpose, So I can whisper "I'm the shit" over and over again til my eyelids fell heavy over two of the things that are an unconscious reminder of my very own, damn existence. I had no one to impress back then, I was so carefree of self-consciousness. Back then I could pull out ideas on demand, now-a-days I feel like I just shit them out whenever there's a need for such an intense release.
I still don't have anyone to impress, but on the contrary, it's nice to be aiming for something instead of just shooting blindly.
And just like May 5th's entry, I can't come up with a title for this. I really miss the fun I used to have every time I wrote. So this was my attempt to attain that writer's high that I always used to get.
So... Did I get it? I'd rather keep it to myself.
Sincerely, (While still swallowing myself)
-"Starvin" Marvin
Sometimes it just gets to you, you're free and then all of a sudden massive chains wrap around your body and drag you helplessly in the dark abyss of it all. Here you'll probably awake hours later seeing nothing, hearing nothing, and eventually realizing that there is nothing. Nothing but a faint light directly above you and all you do is stare at it and try to concoct ingenious ways of attaining of reaching that light. It might just be your way out. Hmm... you'd rather not waste your time though, What if it's a fluke or a flaw in the design of this abyss? What if it's just a lightbulb? Then what would happen if you reached it? Would you take it out, replace it? Haha... you'd have to reach it first. Good thing there isn't any books around, you wouldn't find your answers in them anyway, now if I only had a paper and a pen...
Scratch that... uhm...
Have you ever tried to analyze curiosity? I feel like I can take your head off, cut a small hole, and stick your hand in there (There's no way i'd put my own hand on the line, that shit's gross). What would you find? Wouldn't you like to know? The idea of the idea of just knowing seems to tingle my own curiosity. I would like to know why I like to know things. Knowledge is endless and you'll never get to the end of this battle. So why bother? Why do we strive to know more? Things were simple and then as we discovered more, more things got complicated. Who knows what more knowledge could do to our society? Humans had to extend the reaches of their knowledge to bed, bath, and beyond. It'd probably be easier if we just stopped at bed and kept it there. We know that knowledge is limitless, but maybe at some point, we should put a limit. Just as a precaution as to not destroy ourselves.
And so... hold me tightly...
May 5th 2008, I read that thing again for about the millionth time I can't believe I still don't have a title for it. This was back when I used to enjoy writing and had hours of fun inventing new and witty points. Expanding my vocabulary and raping the thesaurus, in hopes it would give birth to me some new and exciting words, so that I can show them to all my non-existent readers (except myself cause I know I exsist) so they can feed my fat baby boy, coincidentally named Ego. Wait I didn't have any readers. It was nice feeding him myself haha. It was all for myself and for only one purpose, So I can whisper "I'm the shit" over and over again til my eyelids fell heavy over two of the things that are an unconscious reminder of my very own, damn existence. I had no one to impress back then, I was so carefree of self-consciousness. Back then I could pull out ideas on demand, now-a-days I feel like I just shit them out whenever there's a need for such an intense release.
I still don't have anyone to impress, but on the contrary, it's nice to be aiming for something instead of just shooting blindly.
And just like May 5th's entry, I can't come up with a title for this. I really miss the fun I used to have every time I wrote. So this was my attempt to attain that writer's high that I always used to get.
So... Did I get it? I'd rather keep it to myself.
Sincerely, (While still swallowing myself)
-"Starvin" Marvin
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