Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
...Just Because.
Not exactly sure what brought me here to this blogger-dingy. But I felt it necessary to write after awhile. So as I listen to orchestrated pieces of various movie soundtracks, I'll contemplate and narrate everything that runs through my head at this very moment in the fabric of time (all to the epic sounds that an orchestra can bring).
Forgive me though, I do believe that it's so cliche to be writing an entry on this, the last night of summer. Being contemplative on what has been, what has gone, and what will be.
To start, I think this summer has been a real eye-opener. It showed me that narrow gap between child's play and adulthood. I really can't say much about growing up and being older and all that "coming of age" jibberish. I'm still as immature as I'll always be. I've never really understood it, but being "out of the box" was something important to me. It's what makes me... me. It became frustrating however, just because I'd always view my interests as only my interests. That they would be boring to everyone else or misunderstood. So I never would talk about it. I've kept a lot of things to myself. I always wondered why most people hardly know me, then it just came to me that I really don't share enough of myself. It's like being so... anti-egotistical.
I do have a tendency to be shy about the things that I do. I lack a lot of confidence.
So here it goes: I'm Marvin, I enjoy various types of music and every now and then I indulge in orchestrated pieces of music. I have an unyielding passion for the sciences and it's always been apart of my life ever since I got cable and stumbled across the discovery channel. I'm a mediocre trumpet player, I'm also pretty bad at guitar. On top of that, I'm a terrible singer (But I do it anyway) That doesn't account for the fact that I know my music theory which makes learning new instruments so much more easier. I used to draw graffiti, I still appreciate it however. I love to write and someday I hope to write songs. I love food and I know a lot of good locales. I've also been dying to go to all the eateries in NY as well as all the museums in NY. On top of all that, I try to keep it classy whilst(to my misfortune)keeping it lazy.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know this sounds sort of like a pity party/comming of age/getting over yourself kinda thing.
But, I'm not trying to make this sound like a pity party. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I really need to make changes if I want to improve the quality of life. I firmly believe that life has a lot to offer, but you gotta give it something to work with.
Here's another realization of mine:
Giving up on the whole girl situation and deciding that you should become 100% asexual will not solve that problem. I mean, I always lived and studied under the influence that I can acquire knowledge that probably could improve the quality of the world and give back to the 6 billion people of the world. After that possibly retire and teach at some university as some professor installing hope into the hearts of many. This is love and passion. And it's what I've believed in for the past year or so.
And it's hard to talk about something I've never experienced. But I guess it's not the same as having that one person. I don't know what I could give, or I don't even know what I could do. I don't even know what the hype is about. But this yearning and that shear feeling of "want" for that one, definitely has some kind of meaning. And like the curious little scientist I am, I need to find out what that meaning is. Even it if is just a personal definition.
I guess, sharing something with one is another experience than from sharing something with all.
To be honest, I usually went about trying to define every summer season as "my summer". But that tradition died out once I realized it's boring to be doing things by yourself. However, I didn't make any expectations, I didn't make any plans. Things just kind of happened.
Life just kinda happens because God likes to make it interesting, and I seem to be enjoying all the surprises that I've been given.
I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me.
Forgive me though, I do believe that it's so cliche to be writing an entry on this, the last night of summer. Being contemplative on what has been, what has gone, and what will be.
To start, I think this summer has been a real eye-opener. It showed me that narrow gap between child's play and adulthood. I really can't say much about growing up and being older and all that "coming of age" jibberish. I'm still as immature as I'll always be. I've never really understood it, but being "out of the box" was something important to me. It's what makes me... me. It became frustrating however, just because I'd always view my interests as only my interests. That they would be boring to everyone else or misunderstood. So I never would talk about it. I've kept a lot of things to myself. I always wondered why most people hardly know me, then it just came to me that I really don't share enough of myself. It's like being so... anti-egotistical.
I do have a tendency to be shy about the things that I do. I lack a lot of confidence.
So here it goes: I'm Marvin, I enjoy various types of music and every now and then I indulge in orchestrated pieces of music. I have an unyielding passion for the sciences and it's always been apart of my life ever since I got cable and stumbled across the discovery channel. I'm a mediocre trumpet player, I'm also pretty bad at guitar. On top of that, I'm a terrible singer (But I do it anyway) That doesn't account for the fact that I know my music theory which makes learning new instruments so much more easier. I used to draw graffiti, I still appreciate it however. I love to write and someday I hope to write songs. I love food and I know a lot of good locales. I've also been dying to go to all the eateries in NY as well as all the museums in NY. On top of all that, I try to keep it classy whilst(to my misfortune)keeping it lazy.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know this sounds sort of like a pity party/comming of age/getting over yourself kinda thing.
But, I'm not trying to make this sound like a pity party. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I really need to make changes if I want to improve the quality of life. I firmly believe that life has a lot to offer, but you gotta give it something to work with.
Here's another realization of mine:
Giving up on the whole girl situation and deciding that you should become 100% asexual will not solve that problem. I mean, I always lived and studied under the influence that I can acquire knowledge that probably could improve the quality of the world and give back to the 6 billion people of the world. After that possibly retire and teach at some university as some professor installing hope into the hearts of many. This is love and passion. And it's what I've believed in for the past year or so.
And it's hard to talk about something I've never experienced. But I guess it's not the same as having that one person. I don't know what I could give, or I don't even know what I could do. I don't even know what the hype is about. But this yearning and that shear feeling of "want" for that one, definitely has some kind of meaning. And like the curious little scientist I am, I need to find out what that meaning is. Even it if is just a personal definition.
I guess, sharing something with one is another experience than from sharing something with all.
To be honest, I usually went about trying to define every summer season as "my summer". But that tradition died out once I realized it's boring to be doing things by yourself. However, I didn't make any expectations, I didn't make any plans. Things just kind of happened.
Life just kinda happens because God likes to make it interesting, and I seem to be enjoying all the surprises that I've been given.
I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Places
With everyday that passes by, it gets more apparent that there's nothing here for me anymore.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Dear Pretty Women,
I'm shy and intimidated.
You seem to catch my eye,
While I fumble along trying to catch my breath.
When you look at me,
I only look away because I'm trying to hide...
Something?
It's nice when you stare, but it's also scary.
I like it when you talk to me,
but I don't look at you, probably because I'll get distracted.
It doesn't make sense to me either.
I suck at these things.
In the end I'm probably just the type to play the 'oh shit' game and panic.
Yeah, I don't know how to drop my guard.
Ehh...
Forget women, I'm just trying to have fun. And if 'fun' is getting involved with a woman someday, then I'll let it be. But for now, it doesn't look that way and i'll just find my infinite well of 'fun' from other sources.
That well is currently school and my future. Okay so, honestly planning is a pain in the ass. Hey, but what's love without the struggle? You only put yourself though hell because you love what you're doing. And at that point, not even hell itself can stop you from loving what you love. It's nice to be passionate and dream about achieving those dreams that you have fallen in love with. At some point, love will eventually bring you to that point where they're not dreams anymore because you're making it happen.
I like it when things happen.
My agenda grows bigger everyday. Get my Masters, work and make a living, get my PhD. Ultimately becoming a college professor, inspiring students like (some of) my professors have done for me. Do this, do that, yada, yada, yada. I have no idea what drives me to such goals, but I hardly think anyone can understand me. On top of that, I'm so immature and so 'outside the box'.
It's a weird combination, an immature over-achiever. How does it work?
Yeah....
...I don't know either.
Either way....I'll make it somehow, someway.
You seem to catch my eye,
While I fumble along trying to catch my breath.
When you look at me,
I only look away because I'm trying to hide...
Something?
It's nice when you stare, but it's also scary.
I like it when you talk to me,
but I don't look at you, probably because I'll get distracted.
It doesn't make sense to me either.
I suck at these things.
In the end I'm probably just the type to play the 'oh shit' game and panic.
Yeah, I don't know how to drop my guard.
Ehh...
Forget women, I'm just trying to have fun. And if 'fun' is getting involved with a woman someday, then I'll let it be. But for now, it doesn't look that way and i'll just find my infinite well of 'fun' from other sources.
That well is currently school and my future. Okay so, honestly planning is a pain in the ass. Hey, but what's love without the struggle? You only put yourself though hell because you love what you're doing. And at that point, not even hell itself can stop you from loving what you love. It's nice to be passionate and dream about achieving those dreams that you have fallen in love with. At some point, love will eventually bring you to that point where they're not dreams anymore because you're making it happen.
I like it when things happen.
My agenda grows bigger everyday. Get my Masters, work and make a living, get my PhD. Ultimately becoming a college professor, inspiring students like (some of) my professors have done for me. Do this, do that, yada, yada, yada. I have no idea what drives me to such goals, but I hardly think anyone can understand me. On top of that, I'm so immature and so 'outside the box'.
It's a weird combination, an immature over-achiever. How does it work?
Yeah....
...I don't know either.
Either way....I'll make it somehow, someway.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Yes, I'll never get anymore mature...
Meanwhile, caught in all the hype of the recent death of Micheal Jackson: (may he rest in peace) I (like many others) proceeded to watch various works of his, mostly his videos. So while I was browsing the galleries of youtube. I came across the music video for "Scream".
I obviously started watching it and you know, it's a good song. However, that's not what caught my attention. As I was watching it, it eventually came to the part where it's Micheal dancing on the wall and all over the floor....
there were bumble balls.
And along with that site came many fond memories of my childhood and how I used to own one of these facinating anomalies. I remember 'oogling' over it's rotating motor and it's random movements which seem to come more out of an impulse, rather than a premeditate move.
Nowadays these kids have these toys that talk, think, piss, and probably soon enough take a shit. I'd probably have more fun with a bumble ball other than the robotic dogs of today. See, I would put my bumble ball on the edge of stairs and turn it on and just watch that thing fall down the stairs. Course I'd probably end up running after it and then doing it all over again, but being that young, I only had to worry about the battery dying. Eventually I got a little more creative and put small lego type of structures at the bottom. Those were the days...
I'm glad they still make these things... Except they only make it for pets now.
I'm still going to buy my kids one. Do you think it's weird that I still remember what the rubber things taste like?
I obviously started watching it and you know, it's a good song. However, that's not what caught my attention. As I was watching it, it eventually came to the part where it's Micheal dancing on the wall and all over the floor....
there were bumble balls.
And along with that site came many fond memories of my childhood and how I used to own one of these facinating anomalies. I remember 'oogling' over it's rotating motor and it's random movements which seem to come more out of an impulse, rather than a premeditate move.
Nowadays these kids have these toys that talk, think, piss, and probably soon enough take a shit. I'd probably have more fun with a bumble ball other than the robotic dogs of today. See, I would put my bumble ball on the edge of stairs and turn it on and just watch that thing fall down the stairs. Course I'd probably end up running after it and then doing it all over again, but being that young, I only had to worry about the battery dying. Eventually I got a little more creative and put small lego type of structures at the bottom. Those were the days...
I'm glad they still make these things... Except they only make it for pets now.
I'm still going to buy my kids one. Do you think it's weird that I still remember what the rubber things taste like?
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