...Just Because.

Not exactly sure what brought me here to this blogger-dingy. But I felt it necessary to write after awhile. So as I listen to orchestrated pieces of various movie soundtracks, I'll contemplate and narrate everything that runs through my head at this very moment in the fabric of time (all to the epic sounds that an orchestra can bring).

Forgive me though, I do believe that it's so cliche to be writing an entry on this, the last night of summer. Being contemplative on what has been, what has gone, and what will be.

To start, I think this summer has been a real eye-opener. It showed me that narrow gap between child's play and adulthood. I really can't say much about growing up and being older and all that "coming of age" jibberish. I'm still as immature as I'll always be. I've never really understood it, but being "out of the box" was something important to me. It's what makes me... me. It became frustrating however, just because I'd always view my interests as only my interests. That they would be boring to everyone else or misunderstood. So I never would talk about it. I've kept a lot of things to myself. I always wondered why most people hardly know me, then it just came to me that I really don't share enough of myself. It's like being so... anti-egotistical.

I do have a tendency to be shy about the things that I do. I lack a lot of confidence.

So here it goes: I'm Marvin, I enjoy various types of music and every now and then I indulge in orchestrated pieces of music. I have an unyielding passion for the sciences and it's always been apart of my life ever since I got cable and stumbled across the discovery channel. I'm a mediocre trumpet player, I'm also pretty bad at guitar. On top of that, I'm a terrible singer (But I do it anyway) That doesn't account for the fact that I know my music theory which makes learning new instruments so much more easier. I used to draw graffiti, I still appreciate it however. I love to write and someday I hope to write songs. I love food and I know a lot of good locales. I've also been dying to go to all the eateries in NY as well as all the museums in NY. On top of all that, I try to keep it classy whilst(to my misfortune)keeping it lazy.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know this sounds sort of like a pity party/comming of age/getting over yourself kinda thing.

But, I'm not trying to make this sound like a pity party. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I really need to make changes if I want to improve the quality of life. I firmly believe that life has a lot to offer, but you gotta give it something to work with.

Here's another realization of mine:

Giving up on the whole girl situation and deciding that you should become 100% asexual will not solve that problem. I mean, I always lived and studied under the influence that I can acquire knowledge that probably could improve the quality of the world and give back to the 6 billion people of the world. After that possibly retire and teach at some university as some professor installing hope into the hearts of many. This is love and passion. And it's what I've believed in for the past year or so.

And it's hard to talk about something I've never experienced. But I guess it's not the same as having that one person. I don't know what I could give, or I don't even know what I could do. I don't even know what the hype is about. But this yearning and that shear feeling of "want" for that one, definitely has some kind of meaning. And like the curious little scientist I am, I need to find out what that meaning is. Even it if is just a personal definition.

I guess, sharing something with one is another experience than from sharing something with all.

To be honest, I usually went about trying to define every summer season as "my summer". But that tradition died out once I realized it's boring to be doing things by yourself. However, I didn't make any expectations, I didn't make any plans. Things just kind of happened.

Life just kinda happens because God likes to make it interesting, and I seem to be enjoying all the surprises that I've been given.

I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me.