Empty

So, Spring session 2008 is finally over. I took my last final today and I'm just hoping and praying only for the best. Who knows? Things have been great for me these past couple of months. It feels like I'm finally in the right place. For now at least. Either way I can't emphasize enough how good I've had it these past couple months. Sure its had its ups and downs, but it was all to the benefit of growing up and the defeat of every challenge I may have faced.

So now since that's over, I find myself in an idle state. Me being my so very untalented self leaves me with not many things to do. You can laugh at me if you'd like, but I just went to google to do a search on "How to find talent" and something interesting came up.

"Talents are different than skills, in that they tend to be innate rather than learned. Once found, they can be nurtured and developed, but finding them can be tricky. It's partly a process of self-observation and honesty. The rest is learning and practice.

Talents can come in many varieties. They may be artistic or technical, mental or physical, inwardly or outwardly directed. They need not be profitable, useful, or conventional, but they will always be your own, part of what makes you you." -wikihow.com

So with that essential bit of information, it leaves me in a contemplative state. Makes me feel like I don't have a soul. Like I said before, I'm not very talented. Sometimes I just wish I had an attraction to something. Anything really that I could get absorbed into and spend countless hours just doing my thing. I spend most of my free time playing video games. That doesn't suffice. I mean sure they're fun, but lets be real, I have nothing to show for it.

I don't know what it is that makes me want to immerse myself into something. I've thought about it countless times.

Some conclusions I've arrived at were:
A) I'm impressed with my friends talents and I wish to impress others.
B) I don't spend my time wisely so why not spend it doing something I love.
C) My life sucks and I need something to show that I'm not a mediocre individual
D) All of the above
E) The answer doesn't exist in this dimension.

I've tried to get into things like drawing, but I don't know, I just haven't been inspired lately. I just wish I wasn't so, boring haha.

F) Or maybe if I had something to show I'd be more interesting and score more "hot points" in the eyes of women.

But if answer F were true, then I'd only be doing it for women. That wouldn't be very fun, I actually look down on things like that. So I should just disregard reason F.

It is what it is, maybe someday I'll find my own thing and do my own thing. Unfortunately, for now I just feel kind of empty. I don't think I can stand my idle-self anymore.